I surge through half the day fueled solely by adrenaline.

Must make it to school on time.

Must feed and clothe baby.

Everything else is negotiable.


Later, I turn to caffeine.

You decide whether or not it is toxic for you.

For me it is a balm.


By 5:30 the screaming starts.

I am spent.

But I cannot stand the screaming.

So I stuff the baby in the carrier and pace.

Up and down the sidewalk in front of the house on a nice day.

If I remember shoes and sunglasses it’s a plus.

Or in circles around 1584 square feet, dodging toys and baby apparatus.

While the first grader snacks and relaxes.

I am fortunate that she is tolerant.


When the baby is asleep, I can sit down for a few minutes to talk

Or play with the first grader.

As long as I hold myself in just the right position

So as not to disturb the baby.


If only I could sleep. Please please let me sleep.


Eventually, he wakes up smiling and it is time to get oatmeal

or the vegetable du jour all over his face and clothes.