I surge through half the day fueled solely by adrenaline.
Must make it to school on time.
Must feed and clothe baby.
Everything else is negotiable.
Later, I turn to caffeine.
You decide whether or not it is toxic for you.
For me it is a balm.
By 5:30 the screaming starts.
I am spent.
But I cannot stand the screaming.
So I stuff the baby in the carrier and pace.
Up and down the sidewalk in front of the house on a nice day.
If I remember shoes and sunglasses it’s a plus.
Or in circles around 1584 square feet, dodging toys and baby apparatus.
While the first grader snacks and relaxes.
I am fortunate that she is tolerant.
When the baby is asleep, I can sit down for a few minutes to talk
Or play with the first grader.
As long as I hold myself in just the right position
So as not to disturb the baby.
If only I could sleep. Please please let me sleep.
Eventually, he wakes up smiling and it is time to get oatmeal
or the vegetable du jour all over his face and clothes.