Monthly Archive

Part I: We extend our deep and heartfelt gratitude for that letter you sent us in which you asked so politely for a job, including providing each excruciating detail we demanded, such as what you learned about your leadership style when your first pet goldfish died, a diagram explaining how you are at once flexible and nimble as well as grounded and adept at adhering to our 33 core values, and how you would leverage your knowledge and network on behalf of our mission and surrender every creative idea you have to the collective, in order to promote our brand. Don’t forget you agreed to get a tattoo of our logo, in Pantone 16-1546 (Living Coral), Pantone 17-5641 (Emerald), and Pantone 18-3838 (Ultra Violet), on your neck, in exchange for the privilege of us reviewing your application. 

Thank you for your interest in the position.

Thank you for your interest.

Thank you for your application and interest in the position!

We appreciate your interest and the time you’ve invested in applying for the role.

We sincerely appreciate your interest in our work.

We received your resume.

Thank you again for your interest.

We appreciate the time and effort you invested in applying.

Part II: However, we are not so thankful as to want to actually hire you. That’s a whole different level of gratitude that, frankly, we only exhibit on rare occasions when we genuinely mean it. This, unfortunately for you, is definitely not one of those occasions. We will still go to a minimum amount of effort to affirm your worth, lest you start to doubt yourself or your abilities after reading the 203rd email saying almost verbatim what we are saying to you here. You may start to think that we are using a template we found on the internet, but we have spent several minutes crafting a personal response to your application. 

After some deliberation, we’ve decided to move forward with other candidates who align better with our hiring needs at this point in time. 

After careful consideration, you were not selected for this position. 

After very careful consideration, we have decided not to move forward with your application

After a thorough review of your application, the team has decided to move forward with candidates whose backgrounds more closely align with the requirements of the role.

Your application was carefully reviewed and considered. At this time, however, your application was not selected to move forward into the next phase of our selection process.

We’re writing to let you know that the position has been filled.

We are reaching out to inform you that this position has been filled and the opportunity is no longer available. 

Unfortunately, we have decided not to proceed with your candidacy 

Please continue to watch for new opportunities, as new positions are posted daily!

Part III: We swear it’s not that you aren’t good enough. We mean, you’re pretty good. We see that you have decades years of experience and extensive expertise. That’s not nothing. But at the end of the day, other people were better! Nothing personal. We’re sure someday someone will like you. It’s just not us.

We were thrilled to learn about your skills and accomplishments.

We have reviewed your resume and it is obvious you have a strong skill set and valuable experience.

We had a really competitive pool of candidates for this role and enjoyed learning more about your background.

Although your background and career objectives are commendable, we have decided not to pursue your candidacy further.

We received a very strong response to our posting and were impressed by the quality and depth of candidates that applied. Although your qualifications were very impressive, we have decided to pursue other candidates who more closely fit the position requirements.

It was a very competitive application process and we are unable to offer you the position.

Actually, this whole thing has been harder on us than it is on you. Have you even considered that?

We received an exceptionally high volume of applications and had difficult decisions to make. We ultimately decided to move forward with a small group of candidates whose experience more closely aligned with the needs of this particular role.

We received an overwhelming response to the position, which makes us feel both humble and proud that so many talented individuals (like you!) want to join our team. This volume of response makes for an extremely competitive selection process, so although your background is impressive, we regret to inform you that we have decided to pursue other candidates for the position at this time.

We had an amazing response to this opportunity, making for a very tough decision on our slate of candidates to move forward. We have made our selections for this role, but hope that you will remain interested in careers.

Part IV: Hey, don’t look so sad. Please don’t cry. It’s not that big of a deal! We know you’ll bounce back from this. It’s only one job. It’s not like you’ve applied for more than a hundred positions or anything, right? Right? We’re rooting for you! Not enough to hire you, but we don’t wish you any harm. You seem decent enough.

Please do not let this discourage you from seeking other opportunities with us. In this competitive work environment, our talent needs are constantly changing. 

We will keep you in mind for future opportunities that might be a better match. and wish you all the best in your career endeavors.

While it might not have worked out this time, we are always adding new positions, and we encourage you to keep an eye on our careers page for future opportunities.

Again, we thank you for your interest and wish you success in your job search.

We wish you the best of luck on your job search!

With sincere thanks and best wishes.

All the best,

A Nameless Person Representing that Organization or Company that You Started Getting Really Excited about Working for. Oh well!